enhörning (enhorning) wrote,


I hate being so impecunious.

I'm sick and fed up of perpetually being short of money, of always living on the margin, of every unforeseen expense having a huge impact, both on my state of mind and on my finances. Fed up with needing to save for ages for any bigger purchase, and every month being a balancing act, and always hoping, yet somehow never quite managing, to put some money aside for savings.

Yeah, I have no problem affording food and housing... but beyond that, I lack quality of life. Too many days, it's not worth it to wake up and suffer through the hours. And, while money would far from solve everything (and I have absolutely zero interest in being rich), the constraint of having as little as I do significantly impacts my mood.

A slightly more comfortable financial situation, along with getting a good contact person (I have applied and am waiting on the decision... and then, even if it's granted, it might of course be difficult to find a suitable person), and also along with the support I'm currently getting, and somewhat regular visits from Amelia, would go a long way to help me make the best of my situation.

It's very frustrating, because it feels like a comfortable level of money for me is so close, yet so unattainable. I would not need that much more each month to be comfortable. Yet, in my situation, there is no hope for the situation to ever change - instead, it is gradually getting worse as the well-fare system becomes more and more strained. And thus, a simple 1500:- unexpected expense is enough to drive me to suicidal thoughts.

(Of course, there are lots of people worse off than me in the world, and Sweden... but that does not make my situation any less uncomfortable though.)
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